This is the first year that I will no longer be celebrating, Birthdays and Holidays with my Mother. The feeling is so depressing, I must admit that I was stocked mourning for weeks. There are days when I wake up that I thought Mama still cooks my favourite lagat apalya, sisig pusu and lelut balatung. There are days when I thought she’s just sleeping beside me, or in the CR, or in the church and will soon come home. But when evening comes, there will always be the thought that she’s gone.
I recalled that (when Mama was still alive) I want to cook my favourite Tacos (with moooore cheeeese!;) ) as one of our food prep for Media Noche. But since Mama died before Christmas, we were not able to cook it and this craving lasted until after the first day of the year. One day, my tacos-taste buds still linger so I decided to buy the ingredients and cook in an ordinary day. Upon buying the stuffs in a grocery store, I got teary-eyes when I heard my much-loved worship songs played by a giant grocery store. It feels like God is saying something to me.
It dawned in me that those worship songs were actually some of my most played when I was still working in an office in Makati. Those have influenced me to go home—exchanged my nice paying job to be with my family in Pampanga. It reminded me that I should not frown, because I made the right decision. I have spent quality time with my Mother during her days.
Maybe that is why I’m also at peace and happy when Mama died. Because I know that God gave me enough time to love her back by taking good care of her. I remember, I could not let a day pass without saying “I love you Ma”. And she would just smile as a reply and sometimes will also say “I love you” with giggles in her voice.
I’m also at peace knowing that she have served God well whenever I hear some friends and relatives reminisce how Mama have helped and loved them. I know she’s in Heaven now and enjoying the fruits of her generosity and kindness here on Earth.
Just like the movie “Inside Out” that tells us life is not always covered with joy. God allowed us to grieve and feel sadness so that we can let go and move on. Sadness is a sign that we are in pain and this pain can only be healed when we admit it—allowing God to take over.
Despite this painful loss, how can I not be thankful, when God made sure that I will be in good hands before He will take Mama to Heaven.
I have a very supportive and loving future Sister-in-law and her husband who have been there during Mama’s medications, her wake, and burial and until now that it’s just me and my nephew and niece. They say that most mothers-in law are difficult to comprehend as a wife of their son, but to me, I’m so much blessed to have a future Mother-in-law who has been so diligent in cooking delicious foods for us. She’s so loving and compassionate that she always takes care of my needs when I’m in their place. I even saw her crying when she first saw Mama on her critical stage in the hospital. Right there and there, I knew that my feeling is right—my Mother-in-law is awesome and kind-hearted. My future Father-in-law is awesome too! I really love Yam’s family. Of course, how could I forget to mention my fiancé who have been there since day-1 of sleepless nights to keep on tracking Mama’s lifeline? I am so blessed to have Yam who is more than willing to sacrifice his comfort and everything for me and my family.
God is not yet satisfied, He even gave me amazing friends who were also there during my trials. Until now, I’m overwhelmed on how I came across these friends who are eager to travel so far just to reach us and give me a comforting hand.
There are times when we stress ourselves on looking into things we cannot change. When I was in that kind of situation, believe me, being strong is not enough to describe how to overcome those moments. Even if in my heart I know that this too shall pass, it took me a lot of faith, courage, strength and hope to be able to get through it. And now I feel better.
If you are feeling down right now, bear in mind that just like another year that has passed, your trials shall pass too. And just like another year is coming, a better future awaits you.
Keep the faith. We are born for greatness.
May you receive your blessings,
- Happy New Year! 🙂
- Love reading my blogs? I hope you can find time reading my other writings too on A Cup of Expression. A Cup of Travel . A Cup of Quote. A Cup of Food..and more.